Sunday #23

Mothers and Sons, The Democratic National Convention, Nonviolence, and a Really Cute Pillow

Oh boy how are we hanging in? It was a long week over here. We got back from LA last Sunday night, got woken up at 4 am by our very sick kiddo Monday morning who was then out of school Monday-Thursday (which meant all of the time where I was expecting to get shit done and recover from the SAG awards was gone gone gone), sang in public at a gala for the first time in years and started rehearsal for Mother Play on Thursday. BUT I had an incredible weekend in LA and wouldn’t have traded it for anything.  

(Side note, the number of people who’ve come up to me and said “I cannot believe how they make you look on the The Gilded Age” is too many to count. A women in my building asked me if my character was going to get a makeover. To this, all I can say is the relief of looking like a normal woman in the 1880s is possibly the greatest gift of that whole job. I don’t spend hours obsessing about how I’m not pretty enough or thin enough to be on TV. I’m so so grateful. Especially when I get to dress up and go to a fancy awards show with my cast.)

However, upon returning from LA to a sick child I was reminded how no one ever told me that if you are a sensitive person who becomes a parent, when your child is struggling or ill or in a bad moment it will feel like torture. I’ve been trying to build this emotional boundary around myself so I’m not consumed by my kiddo’s suffering but like, how do we really do that? I feel grateful to have a partner who I can process it with, that’s for sure.

We ended up talking a lot this week about thoughts vs. reality. I think one of the ways I’ve caused all kinds of extra suffering in my life is paying more attention to my thoughts than my reality. I’m sure some of this has to do with losing a parent at a young age. I think it’s felt important to play out all kinds of bad scenarios in an effort to prepare or brace for the worst. And playing out bad scenarios is especially easy to do as a parent.

I mentioned Byron Katy’s book The Work a couple of weeks ago and I keep returning to this questions she wants us to ask ourselves when we start to feel stress or worry: “Is it true?” Her definition of “true” is “is it happening right now?” and if it’s not, then it’s a thought not the truth. This week as I was sitting at home with my son worrying about his health physically and emotionally I found myself obsessing about the future and what this would all mean for him and for me. The practice of shifting my attention to what was happening in the present and trying to meet that set of circumstances instead of imagining what might happen, was helpful even if I was only successful at it about 17% of the time.

Politics

Ezra Klein has a very interesting audio essay about a “better option” than Joe Biden that’s gotten a lot of attention. I am planning to vote for Biden. In some ways he’s been a better president than I was expecting. But Ezra is worried that his campaign has so little vitality and that things might get worse as we get closer to the election so he’s offering the alternative to pick a completely different candidate at the Democratic National Convention. There are three episodes on his podcast where he lays this out and I highly recommend listening. He makes the point that if we lose, we can just pin it on one person- Biden. But as democrats, we have a collective responsibility to be brave in this moment because the threat of Trump is so powerful. Do we want to play it safe or take a big swing in the name of protecting our democracy? It’s complex for sure but it definitely has me thinking.

Nonviolence

Brene Brown followed up an essay she posted on her website about Israel and Palestine with a series of three podcasts to further her learning and understanding of what’s happening there right now. The first essay got a lot of pushback in the comments and so she wrote another essay and dropped these conversations. What I appreciated so much about these interviews is the attention around non-violence and hope. While there is so much that feels impossible about what’s happening with Israel and Palestine, the one thing I’ve felt certain of from the beginning is that nonviolence is my organizing principle. I also know leaders like Netanyahu and Trump depend on an absence of hope and thrive on fear and despair. When we tell ourselves a problem is intractable it absolves us from doing anything about it and allows these leaders to commit atrocities. In the first podcast conversation, Ali Abu Awwad says that “humiliation seeks revenge”. What does it look like to turn away from revenge and move toward reconciliation? Peace requires courage. Here are two talks about the power of nonviolence that I think are worth watching:

The Secret To Effective Nonviolent Resistance

Pay Attention To Nonviolence

I’m also continuing to call my reps both locally and on the state level and  writing to the white house more consistently because I feel we are propping up Netanyahu’s extremist right government which is not creating a safer world for Jews in Israel or here in the US. It feels very important to distinguish between the Israeli government and its citizens right now. The more I read the more I think Netanyahu has to keep this war going because he has criminal charges to deal with and will eventually face the fallout from the fact that Oct 7th happened on his watch. On so many levels, he feels to me like a harbinger of what a Trump presidency would look like.

I’m also donating to The Parent’s Circle, a joint Israeli-Palestinian organization made up of more than 600 bereaved families whose common bond is that they’ve lost a close family member to the conflict. Instead of choosing revenge, they’ve chosen a path of reconciliation. And Standing Together is a grassroots movement mobilizing Jewish and Palestinian citizens of Israel in pursuit of peace, equality, and social & climate justice.

I know this is a topic with so many feelings around it and there is so much I’m still learning and trying to understand. As always, I want to hear from you about how you’re processing and moving through this.

Cooking

I made this recipe of Creamy One Pot Pasta with Chicken and Mushrooms for dinner this week and it was absolutely delish. I’m also trying to keep this Israeli Salad in the fridge to eat on its own or with chicken or a fried egg. I’m making these chocolate chip chickpea bars tonight for dessert and I’ll let you know what I think.

Also I can’t wait to listen to this new cooking podcast with Deb Perlman and Kenji Lope-Alt.

Reading

I love Mark Harris’s writing. I think he is smart, emotional, and his take on things is usually surprising and enlightening. This article about mothers and sons is so good and unpacks TV/Film’s obsession with the idea that “If you’re seeking the deepest understanding of why any man is the way he is and can’t be anything more, different or better, there’s someone you have to meet. And it’s all her fault.” He references Ted Lasso, The Morning Show and The Sopranos. It’s a really good article.

I also just started I’m Glad My Mom Died and I’m very much enjoying.

Recs

I have long loved Joanna Goddard’s blog Cup Of Joe and she recently made a list for NY Mag with some things she can’t live without. This is what stood out to me.

These for dessert. We grew up eating them on special occasions and now my kiddo loves them too.

This book looks amazing. And hilarious.

These pillows are extremely cute.

Okay loves, here is your poem for the week.

The Diver’s Clothes Lying Empty by Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

You are sitting here with us,

but you are also out walking in a field at dawn.

You are yourself the animal we hunt

when you come with us on the hunt.

You are in your body

like a plant is solid in the ground,

yet you are wind.

You are the diver’s clothes

lying empty on the beach.

You are the fish.

In the ocean are many bright strands

and many dark strands like veins that are seen

when a wing is lifted up.

Your hidden self is blood in those,

those veins that are lute strings

that make ocean music,

not the sad edge of surf

but the sound of no shore.

We are all of us connected. Everywhere. And also nowhere. All at once. Together.

Take Care Of Yourselves,

Celia