Sunday #17

Asking For Help, Article Club, Memoirs, and Democracy

Hiii dear ones. I don’t know about the rest of you but this past week felt a like a lot. On one hand I was grateful for the structure and getting back into the swing of things. On the other hand I felt a little overwhelmed by all that needed tending to. My son got a calendar for Christmas that shows the phases of the moon and so I know there was a new moon on January 11th which I’m told is a good time for setting intentions and putting your dreams out into the world so I’m thinking about this past Thursday as the actual start to 2024.

One of my intentions this year is to ask for more help. There is a great episode here about how asking for help actually builds community. I hadn’t thought of it this way but there is definitely something isolating about being a person who identifies as “self-reliant” or “independent”. There’s a great section of the episode where they unpack how much easier it is to ask for help in a crisis because we feel like we literally can’t do it alone or we’re not as caught up in being a burden. I’m thinking about when people are sick or when someone has a new baby. I’ve been on the receiving end of people asking for my help in crisis and not only does it make me feel so good and grateful that they’re reaching out for me but it also changes our connection. It takes the friendship to a whole other level and gets us closer to a fuller more expansive experience together.

All of this has made me curious about what it looks like for me to ask for help when I’m not in crisis. Am I brave enough to let myself be seen while I’m struggling? I think in the past I’ve hoped people would notice I was having a hard time and just read my mind and step in. So I’m talking about getting better at an explicit clear ask- being able to articulate what it is that might be helpful to me. That feels like big work. My teacher Kevin Courtney says the only way we get better at these things is by putting in the reps. So. I’m gonna try more that this year.

Article Club

During the height of the pandemic in 2020 a couple of friends and I started an article club because we did not have the attention span for books. This year, Ashley got it going again and I forgot how much I love it. I’ve read so many articles that I wouldn’t have found otherwise. It all started with this extraordinary article about a friendship with Tom Hank’s personal assistant. And my most most recent favorite from Olli is this article about a script doctor (who also happened to write The Queen’s Gambit). I’m now doing a lot more reading of books but with so much online content it can be hard for me to sift through it all and having friends source good, shorter reads is just the best.

Reading

Speaking of books I’m reading Carrie Brownstein’s memoir Hunger Makes Me A Modern Girl right now. I was actually inspired to read it because of this recent article about the new Sleater-Kinney album that was born out of grief. Sleater-Kinney always felt way beyond my brand of cool but I fell in love with Brownstein during Portlandia. There was a time when I was trying to get back into reading after my son was born and I found memoirs to be so helpful because I didn’t need to remember characters names or follow a plot. Some of my faves are Educated by Tara Westover, Crying In H Mart by Michelle Zauner , When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, Know My Name by Chanel Miller and Heavy by Kiese Laymon. Good Talk by Mira Jacobs is on my list to read this year.

Project To Save Democracy

Those of you who have been here for a while have heard me talk about the Giving Circle I’m a part of that’s raising money for The States Project. My motto for 2024 is “friends don’t let friends give money to candidates who can’t win.” In the past I’ve definitely gotten some panicked email and done it- I’m looking at you Amy McGrath. But these giving circles are enormously effective and have had so much success they were featured in the NY Times. State legislatures are unbelievably important (just look at the 2020 election and the recent decisions on abortion) and they don’t cost an insane amount to win. My giving circle is looking to raise $100,000 this year. We’ll pick on state to flip and one state to hold. We’re having an online event on January 22 and you can RSVP here to learn more and join us. The antidote to election panic is getting involved.

Cooking

I’m very interested in this shrimp pesto risotto at Food 52 and this squash lentil soup by Alison Roman. Honestly, at first glance both of these recipes didn’t really appeal to me but reading the whole thing totally changed my mind. I also recently made this delicious Amish-style baked oatmeal that I highly recommend for a cold morning.

Winter Candle

Oh my god this smells good. Before the holidays I was at Nordstrom Rack smelling every pine-scented-fir-forward candle I could find. This was the very best one and it’s my new favorite.

Okay that’s all for this week. Ask for help when you need it?

And here’s a tiny poem for you.

Self-Help by Matt Haig

How to stop time: kiss.

How to travel in time: read.

How to escape time: music.

How to feel time: write.

How to release time: breathe.

Take care of yourselves,

Celia